Though I think about the Savior every day, I particularly think of the crucifixion during this time of year. I don't like to dwell on all that he suffered in Gethsemane--it hurts my heart. I cannot fathom the pain that he endured in the Garden--enough pain that he bled from every pore. And it wasn't just the pain from sins, but every type of suffering imaginable. I have no idea how He did that, only that He did.
And he didn't have to. He had the power to stop it. He had the power to strike down all those who were mocking Him and torturing Him. He didn't have to lay down His life, He chose to. He made a conscious choice to give His life for each of us because He loves us.
And what He asks of us in return is to keep His commandments. If we truly love him, we will. "If ye love me, keep my commandments." (John 14:15) After all that He has sacrificed for us, it seems a small thing to try to keep His commandments, especially when the reward for so doing is eternal life.
For me, Easter is much more about the resurrection, that He lives. And because He lives, my parents live. My grandparents live. My family and friends who've passed through the veil all live. We may be separated for a time here in mortality, but because of Christ's atoning sacrifice, we can be together again for all of eternity. That makes my heart happy.
I had very little time to know my parents in mortality and if I thought that was all there is, I'd be distraught. I'm so thankful to know that death does not end relationships and that I will have the opportunity to know my parents some day. If I can overcome my weaknesses and faults and lay my sins at His feet, I can live with the Savior for eternity.
I am eternally grateful for Christ's sacrifice on a very personal level. I know that He lives. I know that He is my Savior and Redeemer. I hope to be more like Him. To forgive as He did. To love as He did. To live as He did.
May we all have a wonderful Easter and remember all that the Savior has done for us.
Showing posts with label Eternal Families. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eternal Families. Show all posts
Friday, March 29, 2013
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Time Capsule
If you read a previous post, you'll know how excited I was when I learned my mother's high school graduating class was going to be opening a time capsule in celebration of its 50th class reunion. I was hoping there'd be something from her that would give me some insight into her life since she passed away 36 years ago.
I waited for the report on the local news channel and even watched the clip of them opening the capsule. Much to my disappointment all it contained was a newspaper from that time period and a directory of school district employees. Blah. Not exciting at all.
In my mind, I had built up this incredible experience where they'd open the capsule and there would be letters from students, including one from my mom. In my imagination her letter talked about her dreams and aspirations, her life in high school, and maybe even a bit about her personality. I fantasized that I'd be able to get that letter and hold it in my hands, a tangible piece of my mother.
She wrote a book of poems that I illustrated back in the early 1970s after my father passed away. That book gives me some insight into her heart and what it was like to be widowed at such a young age, but I still yearn for more.
I suppose I'll never really know her until I have the opportunity to see her again. I know many people do not believe in life after death, but I'm as certain of that as I am that the sun will rise each day. I've had far too many experiences to deny the existence of life after death. I know someday I will be reunited with my parents and I will have the opportunity to truly know each one of them. And this is what gets me through the times when I miss them more than usual. The times I wanted to share with them in mortality like the births of each of my children, birthday celebrations, Christmas, vacations, graduations, marriages.
Through the years I've learned to live with their absences and no longer feel that stabbing pain of mourning, but missing them has never ever left me. You'd think after 35 plus years I wouldn't even think about it, but my parents are a part of me. Though I did not know them much in mortality, they live within me, and someday, I am confident, I will spend eternity with them and this time apart in mortality will only be a small memory.
I waited for the report on the local news channel and even watched the clip of them opening the capsule. Much to my disappointment all it contained was a newspaper from that time period and a directory of school district employees. Blah. Not exciting at all.
In my mind, I had built up this incredible experience where they'd open the capsule and there would be letters from students, including one from my mom. In my imagination her letter talked about her dreams and aspirations, her life in high school, and maybe even a bit about her personality. I fantasized that I'd be able to get that letter and hold it in my hands, a tangible piece of my mother.
She wrote a book of poems that I illustrated back in the early 1970s after my father passed away. That book gives me some insight into her heart and what it was like to be widowed at such a young age, but I still yearn for more.
I suppose I'll never really know her until I have the opportunity to see her again. I know many people do not believe in life after death, but I'm as certain of that as I am that the sun will rise each day. I've had far too many experiences to deny the existence of life after death. I know someday I will be reunited with my parents and I will have the opportunity to truly know each one of them. And this is what gets me through the times when I miss them more than usual. The times I wanted to share with them in mortality like the births of each of my children, birthday celebrations, Christmas, vacations, graduations, marriages.
Through the years I've learned to live with their absences and no longer feel that stabbing pain of mourning, but missing them has never ever left me. You'd think after 35 plus years I wouldn't even think about it, but my parents are a part of me. Though I did not know them much in mortality, they live within me, and someday, I am confident, I will spend eternity with them and this time apart in mortality will only be a small memory.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Provo and Eternity
We spent last weekend in Provo, UT. All of my older kids live in Provo so it makes it nice to only have to travel to one place and we can all be together. Even though there are so many of us, I love when we're all together.
We've lived in CO for almost 17 years. We've been working to make our home and surrounding land self-sustaining and we've put a lot of time and money into our property. I love living in the country. I love having the space. I love the quiet (well, that's relative considering I have so many kids). I love the dark nights and the sky filled with sparkling stars. I love the country lifestyle. I love the privacy. I love so much about living here.
And yet, I feel myself pulled toward Provo because that's where my older children live. I realize they may not live there forever, but, right now, they do and I feel this pull. Of course, we aren't going to move right now so I have to settle for visiting them. I love to visit them, but I'm always so sad when we leave. I miss seeing them every day. I hate leaving part of my family in another state.
Yes, that's part of life. I know they need to grow up and move on and live their own lives with their own families. But, no one ever prepared me for this part of mothering. No one ever told me how hard it would be to let my kids leave. No one ever told me that I'd miss them this much. My husband teases me that I need to cut the umbilical cord, but I don't want to. Where did all the years go? How did it zip by so fast?
Knowing how I feel now, I cannot imagine facing eternity without my family. I think hell for me would be being separated from my family forever. And that gives me a tiny glimpse into how Heavenly Father feels when we make choices that separate us from Him. I'm sure He is as desperate to spend eternity with all of His kids as I am to spend it with mine. I can only hope that each member of my family will make the choices that will allow us to be together forever. I want my family to be eternal.
We've lived in CO for almost 17 years. We've been working to make our home and surrounding land self-sustaining and we've put a lot of time and money into our property. I love living in the country. I love having the space. I love the quiet (well, that's relative considering I have so many kids). I love the dark nights and the sky filled with sparkling stars. I love the country lifestyle. I love the privacy. I love so much about living here.
And yet, I feel myself pulled toward Provo because that's where my older children live. I realize they may not live there forever, but, right now, they do and I feel this pull. Of course, we aren't going to move right now so I have to settle for visiting them. I love to visit them, but I'm always so sad when we leave. I miss seeing them every day. I hate leaving part of my family in another state.
Yes, that's part of life. I know they need to grow up and move on and live their own lives with their own families. But, no one ever prepared me for this part of mothering. No one ever told me how hard it would be to let my kids leave. No one ever told me that I'd miss them this much. My husband teases me that I need to cut the umbilical cord, but I don't want to. Where did all the years go? How did it zip by so fast?
Knowing how I feel now, I cannot imagine facing eternity without my family. I think hell for me would be being separated from my family forever. And that gives me a tiny glimpse into how Heavenly Father feels when we make choices that separate us from Him. I'm sure He is as desperate to spend eternity with all of His kids as I am to spend it with mine. I can only hope that each member of my family will make the choices that will allow us to be together forever. I want my family to be eternal.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Honored to Be His Wife
Today is my wedding anniversary. 26 years ago I walked into the Los Angeles Temple as a single woman and walked out sealed to my eternal companion. Together we have built a life that includes 10 children and on daughter-in-law.
26 years ago I was completely clueless. I was totally in love and excited to start my life with a wonderful man, but I really had no idea what that meant. I really didn't even understand what love meant. I had a romantic notion of love, that life would always be filled with rainbows and chocolate. Don't get me wrong, my life has been filled with enormous happiness and I feel so blessed, but along the way there have been trials and stresses.
We have had sick newborns that had to stay in the NICU, my husband has had skin cancer, we've lost family members to death, we've cared for aging grandparents, we've had extended family members make decisions that have put their eternal salvation at risk, and we have a child with special needs. Through it all I have learned more and more what deep, abiding love is and I can honestly say I love my husband more and in a deeper, more mature way than I ever thought possible 26 years ago.
In 1998 we moved my maternal grandparents who had rasied me to a mobile home on our property so my sister and her family and I with my family could care for them. My grandfather passed away shortly afterward, but Grandma lived for two more years. One day in July of 2000 I took her to Walmart to shop. We had separated to do our shopping and when I was done she was nowhere to be found. She'd had a massive stroke while standing in line and had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance. She stayed in the hospital for a few dyas but had lost her ability to speak, to swallow, to eat, etc. We decided to take her home and allow her to die in her own home, surrounded by her family and beloved cat. Both my sister and I were pregnant at the time and my brother-in-law had had neck surgery. Since my grandma required 24 hour care we took turns as best we could. My husband stayed with her each night. He talked to her, gave her drops of water to soothe her cracked lips, rolled her from side to side to avoid bedsores, and even changed her diaper. I watched him serve her diligently each night until her death. He never complained, her never tried to avoid it, he simply served her. While he did this, my love for him deepened so much.
When our youngest son was born and were were told he had Down syndrome, my husband never even batted an eye. While I worried about how to care for my new son and the rest of my kids and what my son's life wowld be like, my husband quietly served both me and my son and stayed steady as a rock. He never worried. It didn't matter to him that our son has an extra chromosome. He supported me and helped me see that all would be well.
Through the years, my husband has never pointed out my weaknesses. He's never nagged me to change one way or another. He's never belittled me or made me feel inferior. He has always praised me, even when I didn't deserve it. He has always seen the woman I can become and has never been frustrated with the imperfect woman I still am. He has seen me at my worst and at my lowest points and he has always loved me through them.
Today, I celebrate the best and wisest decision I have ever made. My husband makes me a better person, he motivates me to live better, to be more like my Savior, to forgive, and to see the best in others. Today I understand more of what I only had a glimpse of 26 years ago. I will be eternally grateful that my Heavenly Father allowed me to find such a man and I am honored to be his wife.
26 years ago I was completely clueless. I was totally in love and excited to start my life with a wonderful man, but I really had no idea what that meant. I really didn't even understand what love meant. I had a romantic notion of love, that life would always be filled with rainbows and chocolate. Don't get me wrong, my life has been filled with enormous happiness and I feel so blessed, but along the way there have been trials and stresses.
We have had sick newborns that had to stay in the NICU, my husband has had skin cancer, we've lost family members to death, we've cared for aging grandparents, we've had extended family members make decisions that have put their eternal salvation at risk, and we have a child with special needs. Through it all I have learned more and more what deep, abiding love is and I can honestly say I love my husband more and in a deeper, more mature way than I ever thought possible 26 years ago.
In 1998 we moved my maternal grandparents who had rasied me to a mobile home on our property so my sister and her family and I with my family could care for them. My grandfather passed away shortly afterward, but Grandma lived for two more years. One day in July of 2000 I took her to Walmart to shop. We had separated to do our shopping and when I was done she was nowhere to be found. She'd had a massive stroke while standing in line and had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance. She stayed in the hospital for a few dyas but had lost her ability to speak, to swallow, to eat, etc. We decided to take her home and allow her to die in her own home, surrounded by her family and beloved cat. Both my sister and I were pregnant at the time and my brother-in-law had had neck surgery. Since my grandma required 24 hour care we took turns as best we could. My husband stayed with her each night. He talked to her, gave her drops of water to soothe her cracked lips, rolled her from side to side to avoid bedsores, and even changed her diaper. I watched him serve her diligently each night until her death. He never complained, her never tried to avoid it, he simply served her. While he did this, my love for him deepened so much.
When our youngest son was born and were were told he had Down syndrome, my husband never even batted an eye. While I worried about how to care for my new son and the rest of my kids and what my son's life wowld be like, my husband quietly served both me and my son and stayed steady as a rock. He never worried. It didn't matter to him that our son has an extra chromosome. He supported me and helped me see that all would be well.
Through the years, my husband has never pointed out my weaknesses. He's never nagged me to change one way or another. He's never belittled me or made me feel inferior. He has always praised me, even when I didn't deserve it. He has always seen the woman I can become and has never been frustrated with the imperfect woman I still am. He has seen me at my worst and at my lowest points and he has always loved me through them.
Today, I celebrate the best and wisest decision I have ever made. My husband makes me a better person, he motivates me to live better, to be more like my Savior, to forgive, and to see the best in others. Today I understand more of what I only had a glimpse of 26 years ago. I will be eternally grateful that my Heavenly Father allowed me to find such a man and I am honored to be his wife.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Announcing . . .
My daughter is engaged. Woo hoo!! They plan to be sealed in the Manti Temple in August. We're all very excited. We love her fiance. He's such a good kid--strong testimony, hard worker, kind, fun, treats her like a queen, exactly the kind of young man I wanted her to find. I'm thrilled for her!
I'm also a little sad that she'll leave the nucleus-stage of my family and enter the stage when she will create her own. Yes, this is what I've raised her for. I want her to create her own eternal family. I want her to experience the joy of marriage and celebrate each life that they'll create for their own family. But, I didn't know the time would pass so fast or come so soon. I've spent the majority of my life focused on my husband and children. I enjoy them and love to be around them. We always have so much fun together.
I knew everything would change when my son got married--we'd add another daughter to our family and they'd begin their life together, but I'd already let him go to serve his mission. I'd already adjusted to his absence from the family for two years. I absolutely love his wife and I'm so glad he married her.
Now, it's time to let my daughter go to start the next stage of her life. I'm so happy for her. I know this is the right choice for her. I'm proud of her for waiting for the right kind of young man and for setting her goal to marry in the temple and sticking to it. I guess I just didn't think it'd happen so fast.
I'm thinking I'll have a full and busy summer ahead of me, but it's all good. I'm excited to go dress shopping, though I'm sure I may shed a few tears.
I'm also a little sad that she'll leave the nucleus-stage of my family and enter the stage when she will create her own. Yes, this is what I've raised her for. I want her to create her own eternal family. I want her to experience the joy of marriage and celebrate each life that they'll create for their own family. But, I didn't know the time would pass so fast or come so soon. I've spent the majority of my life focused on my husband and children. I enjoy them and love to be around them. We always have so much fun together.
I knew everything would change when my son got married--we'd add another daughter to our family and they'd begin their life together, but I'd already let him go to serve his mission. I'd already adjusted to his absence from the family for two years. I absolutely love his wife and I'm so glad he married her.
Now, it's time to let my daughter go to start the next stage of her life. I'm so happy for her. I know this is the right choice for her. I'm proud of her for waiting for the right kind of young man and for setting her goal to marry in the temple and sticking to it. I guess I just didn't think it'd happen so fast.
I'm thinking I'll have a full and busy summer ahead of me, but it's all good. I'm excited to go dress shopping, though I'm sure I may shed a few tears.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2009 Highlights
My son was sealed to his sweet wife in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple in September. What an amazing experience to watch him pledge himself to his wife and the Lord for eternity. It's hard to even find the words to express my gratitude. Definitely a parent "payday."
I survived all the wedding preparations, including all the house projects we had to finish before the open house. I had no idea how much work was involved in preparing for a wedding, and this was for a son. I'm sure I have no idea what's involved in planning a wedding for a daughter (hopefully I won't find out for a while). I breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was all over.
I lost 30 lbs before my son's wedding. I'd been struggling with this extra weight for a few years and was really happy to finally get rid of it. Now if only I can keep it off.
My daughter just finished her Associate's degree at Snow College. I'm really proud of her for sticking it out and for figuring out how to pay for it herself. She's grown tremendously. She was also the featured artist at Snow for a week.
Another daughter graduated from high school. She performed in two plays, The Curious Savage and The Clearing during her senior year and I was blown away by her talent and her ability to make me believe she was truly the characters she was playing. Both of these plays made me teary. She was awesome.
Another daughter was inducted into the National Art Honor Society and she has just been cast as a lead in her high school's production of Noises Off. She received her driver's license--I'm not sure that's necessarily a highlight :).
Another son received his Life Scout rank and is close to earning his Eagle. He also received his Duty to God for Deacon and is now a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood.
Another son was baptized. His service was so sweet and we all felt the Spirit. His biggest accomplishment for 2009 is that his front teeth are finally growing in.
My other kids have been busy developing talents and working hard in school. While I love watching my kids perform and develop talents, my greatest joy comes from seeing them choose to keep the commandments. My most important goal is to have an eternal family and when I can see us, as a family, make progress toward that goal it makes me sooooo happy. In a world where it is so easy to make bad choices and temptation lurks around every corner, I am so grateful when each of us makes good choices. I don't want any empty chairs . . .
My youngest son has Down syndrome. I've been thrilled to see his progress this year. He has learned and developed so much. He has such a fun personality and makes us laugh all the time. I'm so grateful Heavenly Father chose me to be his mother. If I'd known then (when he was born) what I know now, I wouldn't have worried a bit about raising a child with DS. It's a great experience and I look forward to seeing him grow and develop even more this next year.
My LDS romance, Altared Plans, was published by Cedar Fort in June. It's loosely based on my courtship with my husband and I've loved receiving comments from readers who've enjoyed it. It's currently in a contest for the cover at LDS Publisher.
We've had our share of trials in 2009 but I'd rather focus on the good things and the progress we've made. Heavenly Father has blessed me so much and I'm so thankful for my wonderful family and for the gospel. No matter how bleak things may look, the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us hope and I'm grateful for that.
May we all have a wonderful 2010!
(PS If you've read any great books by LDS authors be sure to nominate them at www.whitneyawards.com. The deadline is December 31st).
I survived all the wedding preparations, including all the house projects we had to finish before the open house. I had no idea how much work was involved in preparing for a wedding, and this was for a son. I'm sure I have no idea what's involved in planning a wedding for a daughter (hopefully I won't find out for a while). I breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was all over.
I lost 30 lbs before my son's wedding. I'd been struggling with this extra weight for a few years and was really happy to finally get rid of it. Now if only I can keep it off.
My daughter just finished her Associate's degree at Snow College. I'm really proud of her for sticking it out and for figuring out how to pay for it herself. She's grown tremendously. She was also the featured artist at Snow for a week.
Another daughter graduated from high school. She performed in two plays, The Curious Savage and The Clearing during her senior year and I was blown away by her talent and her ability to make me believe she was truly the characters she was playing. Both of these plays made me teary. She was awesome.
Another daughter was inducted into the National Art Honor Society and she has just been cast as a lead in her high school's production of Noises Off. She received her driver's license--I'm not sure that's necessarily a highlight :).
Another son received his Life Scout rank and is close to earning his Eagle. He also received his Duty to God for Deacon and is now a Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood.
Another son was baptized. His service was so sweet and we all felt the Spirit. His biggest accomplishment for 2009 is that his front teeth are finally growing in.
My other kids have been busy developing talents and working hard in school. While I love watching my kids perform and develop talents, my greatest joy comes from seeing them choose to keep the commandments. My most important goal is to have an eternal family and when I can see us, as a family, make progress toward that goal it makes me sooooo happy. In a world where it is so easy to make bad choices and temptation lurks around every corner, I am so grateful when each of us makes good choices. I don't want any empty chairs . . .
My youngest son has Down syndrome. I've been thrilled to see his progress this year. He has learned and developed so much. He has such a fun personality and makes us laugh all the time. I'm so grateful Heavenly Father chose me to be his mother. If I'd known then (when he was born) what I know now, I wouldn't have worried a bit about raising a child with DS. It's a great experience and I look forward to seeing him grow and develop even more this next year.
My LDS romance, Altared Plans, was published by Cedar Fort in June. It's loosely based on my courtship with my husband and I've loved receiving comments from readers who've enjoyed it. It's currently in a contest for the cover at LDS Publisher.
We've had our share of trials in 2009 but I'd rather focus on the good things and the progress we've made. Heavenly Father has blessed me so much and I'm so thankful for my wonderful family and for the gospel. No matter how bleak things may look, the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us hope and I'm grateful for that.
May we all have a wonderful 2010!
(PS If you've read any great books by LDS authors be sure to nominate them at www.whitneyawards.com. The deadline is December 31st).
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
No Empty Chairs
I actually survived my son's wedding, the reception, and the open house. It feels wonderful being on this side of everything. It all turned out so well and I was really happy with everything except . . .
I was sad that my oldest daughter couldn't make it to the open house. She had to work in Provo and there was no way she could make it to Colorado for the festivities. I really missed her. It made me realize how desperately I want all of my kids to always be part of my eternal family and how even having one missing made a huge difference.
I can't remember which prophet it was who spoke about the empty chair, but I know that I don't want any empty chairs surrounding my eternal dinner table.
To me, the greatest joy I think I'll have in mortality will be when I can stand in the celestial room surrounded by all of my children. I can't think of anything that would bring me more happiness and peace than to have each one of my children embrace the gospel and live it fully.
Since my youngest is only 3 it may be some time before I can experience all of my children in the temple with me, but not having my daughter with us this last weekend reminded me how much I want it and how hard I'm willing to work to bring all of my children to the temple someday.
I am so thankful that families are eternal and that we can enjoy each other after this life. I so enjoy my family, including the newest member and her family as well. I am grateful we can all be sealed together. Of all the things that the gospel gives me, knowing that I can be with my family forever is the greatest part.
No empty chairs.
I was sad that my oldest daughter couldn't make it to the open house. She had to work in Provo and there was no way she could make it to Colorado for the festivities. I really missed her. It made me realize how desperately I want all of my kids to always be part of my eternal family and how even having one missing made a huge difference.
I can't remember which prophet it was who spoke about the empty chair, but I know that I don't want any empty chairs surrounding my eternal dinner table.
To me, the greatest joy I think I'll have in mortality will be when I can stand in the celestial room surrounded by all of my children. I can't think of anything that would bring me more happiness and peace than to have each one of my children embrace the gospel and live it fully.
Since my youngest is only 3 it may be some time before I can experience all of my children in the temple with me, but not having my daughter with us this last weekend reminded me how much I want it and how hard I'm willing to work to bring all of my children to the temple someday.
I am so thankful that families are eternal and that we can enjoy each other after this life. I so enjoy my family, including the newest member and her family as well. I am grateful we can all be sealed together. Of all the things that the gospel gives me, knowing that I can be with my family forever is the greatest part.
No empty chairs.
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