We spent last weekend in Provo, UT. All of my older kids live in Provo so it makes it nice to only have to travel to one place and we can all be together. Even though there are so many of us, I love when we're all together.
We've lived in CO for almost 17 years. We've been working to make our home and surrounding land self-sustaining and we've put a lot of time and money into our property. I love living in the country. I love having the space. I love the quiet (well, that's relative considering I have so many kids). I love the dark nights and the sky filled with sparkling stars. I love the country lifestyle. I love the privacy. I love so much about living here.
And yet, I feel myself pulled toward Provo because that's where my older children live. I realize they may not live there forever, but, right now, they do and I feel this pull. Of course, we aren't going to move right now so I have to settle for visiting them. I love to visit them, but I'm always so sad when we leave. I miss seeing them every day. I hate leaving part of my family in another state.
Yes, that's part of life. I know they need to grow up and move on and live their own lives with their own families. But, no one ever prepared me for this part of mothering. No one ever told me how hard it would be to let my kids leave. No one ever told me that I'd miss them this much. My husband teases me that I need to cut the umbilical cord, but I don't want to. Where did all the years go? How did it zip by so fast?
Knowing how I feel now, I cannot imagine facing eternity without my family. I think hell for me would be being separated from my family forever. And that gives me a tiny glimpse into how Heavenly Father feels when we make choices that separate us from Him. I'm sure He is as desperate to spend eternity with all of His kids as I am to spend it with mine. I can only hope that each member of my family will make the choices that will allow us to be together forever. I want my family to be eternal.