Friday, September 14, 2007

It's My Computer

I was in the Honor Society in high school and was also inducted into the National Honor Society when I attended BYU. I can carry on a reasonably intelligent conversation and I can balance my checkbook. I'm smart, really, I am.

I have to constantly remind myself of the above every single time I deal with a computer. As soon as I have to do something other than word processing, my brain slips out of my head and I'm left brainless, or so my computer would have me believe. It's not me, I'm sure of it, it's my computer. It even calls itself Darth Vader. And, believe me, the name fits.

My husband will say, "You must have told the computer to do that." When I insist I did not, he gently tells me that a computer can't think on its own, it has to be told what to do. Well, I submit that I may have the very first computer that has its own brain because Darth absolutely thinks for himself and his sole purpose is to drive me insane. It's a very sinister plot, I assure you.

And, it's not just the hardware, I believe Darth is in cahoots with all the software as well. I guess a more logical explanation may be that there's a computer gremlin that lives in my house and it only comes out to wreak havoc when I'm not looking, but that's a ridiculous idea. No, I'm much more convinced that Darth is a living, breathing entity that wants nothing more than to make my life miserable. You know, it's like the car in that Stephen King movie.

For example, I set recently set up my website. I created the entire site on Publisher. I liked it. But, when it came time to publish it to the internet it was murdered. Who did it, you ask? Darth, that's who. He's been plotting against me ever since I first plugged him in and he's murdered more than my website, I can tell you.

So I recreated an entirely new website with Yahoo's Sitebuilder. It didn't take too long and I liked it even better than the first one. It was easy to publish because Yahoo is the host. It's simple to update and I can manage it on my own. But, that made Darth mad because he doesn't want me to be happy. No, he wants to torture me.

On my contact page I installed a comment form so people could easily make comments. Once someone made a comment, it was sent to my email address. Seems logical and simple, right? Well, what email address did it pick? Not my Yahoo address for my website. Not my personal Yahoo address that I've been using for years. No, it picked some obsolete email address that was input somehow, some way. How did such an old, outdated email address get inserted? Darth, of course. Isn't it obvious that he's out to get me? He did not want anyone to contact me because he is determined to ruin my life.

So, I am smart. Really, I am. It's my computer that causes all of these problems. Darth is alive and out to get me. If I suddenly disappear one day, be sure to check inside my computer because chances are, Darth has sucked me inside and is keeping me a prisoner to torment me forever.


Stephanie Humphreys said...

I am just waiting for the computers to take over the world. I think that is what is really going on when you make a phone call and can't ever talk to a real person.

Candace Salima (LDS Nora Roberts) said...

Sounds like Dark needs to meet with Hans Solo and Luke Skywalker. Tell Del to get his light saber out and take care of the problem. That's what husband's are supposed to do!

Tristi Pinkston said...

My mom says she has this exact same problem. I don't know -- I sorta side with your hubby on this one, after seeing some of the funky stuff my mom manages to do - but I'm still happy dancing over your contract and don't want to say anything that would possibly dampen the party atmosphere. :)

Tristi Pinkston said...

I have something for you on my blog!

Shellie said...

You just might be related to me. The other day I was blogging about similar issues. It's Technical Difficulties on Then answer the poll, I'm feeling alone on this one. And what a great name your computer has! Maybe if I listened to mine and found out it's name, it would be nicer to me?

Rebecca Talley said...

I just don't trust my computer.

Thanks, Tristi, for doing the happy dance with me even though my computer is plotting against me!