My Choice to Stay Home

After I had my first child, I told an old college roommate that I planned to stay home and take care of him. She replied, “How totally boring. You’re just going to stay home? I can’t imagine being stuck like that.”

Now, ten children later, I do not regret that decision. In fact, I have never regretted choosing to stay home with my children. People wonder how we can afford to raise so many children on one income. The answer is simple. Heavenly Father has blessed us to be able to do so. For me, staying home with my children has always been about exercising faith—not just about being able to financially do so, but also that my staying home will benefit my children.

I vividly remember struggling financially early in my married life. I’d graduated with a bachelor’s degree and it seemed like the answer was for me to go to work. Yet, my husband and I had made the commitment to keep me home. Faith preceded the miracle. Once we put our faith in Heavenly Father and then had a trial of that faith, he blessed us. And he’s continued to bless us in so many ways.

Over the years, I’ve received comments about the decision to stay home. My grandfather, who raised me, told me on several different occasions that I was wasting my life raising a bunch of kids. He said, “If I’d known you were going to waste your education raising kids I would never have encouraged you to go to college.” I don’t see my education as wasted at all. In fact, I believe my education has made me a better mother.

I have a solid testimony of following the counsel to stay home and raise my children. I shudder to think how my youngest son would be doing if I were not home with him reading to him, talking to him, playing with him, and encouraging him to strengthen his muscles. It’s a fact that no one cares more about my children than my husband and I do. It’s also a fact that no one can better serve my children, especially my youngest son, than I can as I stay home.

It is a privilege and honor for me to be a wife and mother. I have never wanted anything else. Perhaps, it’s because I felt cheated as a child since my parents died when I was so young. Maybe it’s because I always wanted a big family like the Brady Bunch when I was growing up. Whatever the reason, I am so thankful each and every day that Heavenly Father has blessed me with a large family and that he has blessed me with the opportunity to be able to stay home and raise them.

I do not judge those who make a different decision than I have. Everybody has to make their own decision when it comes to staying home. Not everyone is in a position to do so and it’s not my place to stand in judgment of anyone’s decision because I have not walked in anyone else’s shoes. I do believe wholeheartedly that if moms have the desire to stay home and are willing to put their faith in Heavenly Father, he will provide a way. I’ve learned in my life that Heavenly Father always provides a way to accomplish a righteous desire and staying home to raise a family is certainly a righteous desire.

I love being a mother. I love watching the kids play together. I love seeing their first steps, hearing their first words, and listening to them when they first begin to read. I love the choking hugs and sloppy kisses. I love to eat (well, maybe not all the time) sandwiches made by my 5-year-old. I love to listen to them interact with each other and play games together. While I don’t enjoy the fighting, whining, or complaining, I love to see them realize they’ve done something wrong and apologize for it. I love to hear them bear their testimonies and explain points of the gospel. I love to watch them develop their talents and share those talents with others. I love to see them serve each other and those around them.

Of course, being a mom isn’t all sunshine and roses and I’ve certainly experienced some hard times, but all in all, I don’t regret my decision to be a mom or to stay home with my kids. It may not be easy, but it is definitely worth it. I have no doubt that our families will bring us the greatest joy.

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Gratitude for All Things

“And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments” (Doctrine and Covenants 59:21). Clearly, the Lord expects us to be grateful and to recognize that everything comes from him.

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more” (Doctrine and Covenants 78:19). If we recognize the Lord’s hand and receive all things, whether blessings or trials, with a thankful heart, we will be made glorious, perhaps even exalted.

My sister-in-law is a great example to me of someone who is grateful. She sends out thank you cards for everything. Each year after we’ve presented the Primary Program, she writes a note to all of the Primary kids expressing her gratitude for their presentation. She even writes thank you notes for birthday cards she receives and for thank you notes she receives. She is so thoughtful and always expressing her gratitude. She amazes me.

What one person may see as a blessing another may see as a trial. Being the mother of a large family has blessed my life immensely. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and to have a house full of kids. However, I have met many who think having so many kids would be a trial. I’ve been told that I’m crazy, that I’m selfish, and that I’ve contributed to the overpopulation of the world (that’s one of my favorites because I live in such a rural area that we can literally drive in some areas for several hours before we see evidence of people). Most people shake their heads and tell me they’re happy they don’t have to care for so many children. To them having a small family is a blessing. For me, a small family would’ve felt like a trial.

Every day I am thankful, and honored, that Heavenly Father chose me to be the mother of my youngest son who has Down syndrome. He is a miracle to me and I can’t imagine my life without him. I knew many years ago that he’d come to my family and have no doubt he’s part of my eternal family and has as much purpose in this life as anyone else. I have never been angry or upset that he has Down syndrome. I have always just been grateful to have him in my life, as I am to have all of my children. Yet, there are those who’ve told me they would never want a child like my son. People feel like having a son with DS would be too great of a trial for them. So while I am so thankful and happy to have him in my family, others would not be grateful at all.
Since I lost my mother more than 35 years ago, I have always been so thankful for the opportunity to be a mother and to have time with my children. I’ve outlived my mother by more than 15 years and each day of each of those years, I’ve been so grateful to have that time with my family and be able to give my children what I never experienced.

I know there are things that I would see as a trial rather than a blessing. I see people who deal with things I couldn’t handle, and they do it with thankful hearts. While gratitude may be in the eye of the beholder, perhaps, one of life’s greatest lessons is to learn to be grateful for everything, including our trials. A loving Heavenly Father sees and understands far more than we do. We simply need to acknowledge his hand in all things and be thankful for all he’s given us.

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Rant on Careless Drivers

My children ride the bus each day to school and then home again. We live on a two-lane highway with no shoulder. When the bus stops to pick-up or drop-off my kids it first flashes amber lights, and then red. There is no way to pass the bus, or any car, on this highway without entering into the oncoming lane.

For some reason, a few drivers seem to think that flashing red lights on a bus means to go around the bus as fast as possible. My children and I have been almost hit on many occasions and the only reason my kids are still alive is because I'm always there to make sure they're safe. I've physically pushed my kids back when a semi-truck kept driving past even though the red lights were flashing.

One particular morning, I placed my children on the bus and walked in front of the bus to then walk across the other lane to my driveway. I began to step out into the lane, assuming drivers had already stopped, when in a flash I heard the bus horn and jumped back. A driver, clearly with more important things to do than to avoid hitting me, had attempted to pass the bus and had almost hit me. He then realized he wasn't going to get away with anything and backed up behind the bus. I walked over to his car and told him that the bus driver and I were both going to write down his license plate and report him to the state police. He replied, "I was going to stop."

I said, "After you hit and killed me in front of my children there on the bus?" I then lectured him on driving safely around children and the bus and recited the bus laws. I don't know whatever happened, but I sure hope the state police fined him.

Today another driver, in too much of a hurry to respect the lives of me or my children, sped past the bus. What is the deal? Is my life or the lives of my children not worth an extra 2 minutes of someone's time? Any driver can pass the bus after a stop and our bus doesn't stop again for a few miles. Yet time and time again, I see careless drivers who simply have no respect for people's lives. It's scary.

So, here's fair warning. I report offending drivers. If you ever speed past the bus in front of my house, I'll report you. And, if I catch you, I'll give you a piece of my mind and it won't be pretty.

A Perfect Summer Day

The other day we finished all of our chores (cleaning the house, watering the garden, hoeing the weeds, feeding the animals) early enough that we were able to relax for a bit and enjoy the day.

We filled the kiddie pool, spread out blankets and towels, and set the radio in the living room window so we could hear some tunes. We sat in the hot sun, sipping lemonade and reading books. The younger kids splashed in the pool and "shot" each other with water guns. My 12 year old thought it'd be funny to shoot his older sister with a cool stream of water from his gun. She responded exactly as I thought. She marched over to him, picked him up like a baby, and dunked him in the kiddie pool, both of them laughing along the way. The other kids ran through the yard playing James Bond with their water guns. Even my youngest was in on the fun, splashing wildly in his micro-mini kiddie pool.

We even had some relief from those nasty little gnats.

I marveled at the opportunity to just sit and watch my kids. I love seeing them interact together. As I watched them, I was filled with such gratitude that Heavenly Father chose me to be their mom and that I have been able to spend time with such remarkable children. I am truly blessed.

Yes, it was a perfect summer day.