Happy Birthday to My Little Man

Seven years ago I had my youngest son. I went into the birth expecting it to be much like the previous nine. I expected to bring my healthy baby home the day after the birth for that very important family bonding time.

The doctor had decided to induce me since we live 30 miles from town and I have quick deliveries. I thought the induction date was early but it worked well with my other kids' schedules and it was convenient. Besides, I was old and tired of being pregnant.

The induction took much longer than others had taken and I knew the baby wasn't ready, but once you start an induction you're committed to it. Finally, it was time and I only had to push once and he came flying out. I was both elated and relieved.

While I was holding my baby, my doctor came in the room and pulled him out of my arms, examined him and said, "He has some characteristics of Down syndrome You should have him checked." And then he was gone. Just like that.

I was still stunned when the nurses came to get him to take him to the nursery and clean him up. Not long after, I was stunned again when the nurse returned to tell us his lips were blue and he needed oxygen. Not long after that, we were told that since he probably had Down syndrome he was going to be be life-flighted to another hospital. I was so stunned I could hardly talk or even catch my breath. The flight team arrived with what looked like a glass coffin and the nurse told us he probably had the heart defect and/or lung defect and he may not even live through the flight. Talk about conflicting emotions in the matter of just a couple of hours.

Long story short, he ended up in the NICU in another hospital for basically no reason. They could never tell us why he was there. His heart was perfectly normal. His lungs were fine. His other organs were all normal. He didn't have newborn pneumonia or any other illness. I'm sure it happened for a reason and I learned a lot from it, but it was an emotional roller coaster. We did have the karyotype test done and although the geneticist thought he might have Mosaic Down syndrome, he was diagnosed with Trisomy 21 or Down syndrome.

And thus we started on a journey that has both been painful and joyful. It is painful to realize that many people will never see my son for who he really is. They will judge him because of the way he looks, the way he speaks, the way he acts. They will make assumptions about him that aren't true. They will think they know more about him than they do. And they will treat him accordingly.

But it has also been filled with joy and wonderment. It is amazing to me that even with the extra genetic material in his chromosomes he can still grow, learn, laugh, love. He has likes and dislikes. He can program the DVD player, find any site he likes on the internet, use features on my phone I didn't know existed. He is his own person with his own definite personality. He loves to watch SpongeBob, eat corn dogs, and play in the iPad. He is such a light to me. And he has taught me to be patient, to trust that all will be well, and that life isn't a race to rush through to the end. It's meant to be enjoyed.

Sometimes he makes me crazy. But he also he makes me laugh. He makes me smile. Most of all, he makes me grateful. He is exactly who he is and I am honored to be his mother.

Speech Therapy Rant

I am quite aware that my son has Down syndrome. I have been aware of that for over five years. I also freely admit that he has a speech delay and may have other struggles down the road. It is no secret that he has Down syndrome and I took off my rose-colored glasses years ago.

I have never sent any of my children to pre-school or kindergarten. I am a SAHM and I have chosen to teach all of my children to read and do math so when they enter school in first grade they are prepared. My children enter school reading 2-4 years above grade level. I take my responsibility as a parent very seriously and want to make sure my children are life-long learners. Not all parents would make the same decision as we have regarding pre-school and kindergarten. We are fortunate that we have the opportunity and freedom in our country to make the decisions we feel best serve our individual children and it does no one any good to be judgmental of those decisions.

For the second day in a row, I was judged for my decision to homeschool my son. I was chastised by a professional today who has never met my son and knows nothing about him. I was calling to get information about speech therapy in my area and instead was treated like a horrible mother because I did not enroll my son in school at three years of age so he could receive all the services he needs. Umm, excuse me? How can someone who has never met my son decide what services he needs? Unless of course he's lumped into the "Down syndrome box" where every child with DS needs every available service. Any child that needs services should absolutely receive them, but I strongly disagree with the idea that all kids with Down syndrome are the same anymore than all kids without Down syndrome are the same. Not all kids with Down syndrome need all services. My son no longer needs physical therapy and has never needed occupational therapy (according to his doctor and previous therapists).

He does need speech therapy but because he is not enrolled in school he cannot receive it unless it is through a private speech therapist. The problem? Finding a private speech therapist is next to impossible. So, my taxes go to pay for these state services but my son cannot use any of them because he isn't in school. Did it occur to anyone that one of the determining factors for my husband and I to feel comfortable in sending him to school will be his ability to communicate verbally? The very service they are denying him is exactly what he needs to be able to attend school in the future.

My son is not ready for school away from home yet and we can make that decision because we are his parents and know him and his abilities better than anyone else. In fact, he is currently enrolled in a virtual kindergarten program we do every day at home and he's doing fine. He can match letters and recognizes all the letters of the alphabet. He understands "the same" but not "different" yet. He is also learning his numbers.

Don't get me wrong, he can totally communicate but he needs to be able to do so verbally. All I want to do is find a therapist that can help him do that.

Provo and Eternity

We spent last weekend in Provo, UT. All of my older kids live in Provo so it makes it nice to only have to travel to one place and we can all be together. Even though there are so many of us, I love when we're all together.

We've lived in CO for almost 17 years. We've been working to make our home and surrounding land self-sustaining and we've put a lot of time and money into our property. I love living in the country. I love having the space. I love the quiet (well, that's relative considering I have so many kids). I love the dark nights and the sky filled with sparkling stars. I love the country lifestyle. I love the privacy. I love so much about living here.

And yet, I feel myself pulled toward Provo because that's where my older children live. I realize they may not live there forever, but, right now, they do and I feel this pull. Of course, we aren't going to move right now so I have to settle for visiting them. I love to visit them, but I'm always so sad when we leave. I miss seeing them every day. I hate leaving part of my family in another state.

Yes, that's part of life. I know they need to grow up and move on and live their own lives with their own families. But, no one ever prepared me for this part of mothering. No one ever told me how hard it would be to let my kids leave. No one ever told me that I'd miss them this much. My husband teases me that I need to cut the umbilical cord, but I don't want to. Where did all the years go? How did it zip by so fast?

Knowing how I feel now, I cannot imagine facing eternity without my family. I think hell for me would be being separated from my family forever. And that gives me a tiny glimpse into how Heavenly Father feels when we make choices that separate us from Him. I'm sure He is as desperate to spend eternity with all of His kids as I am to spend it with mine. I can only hope that each member of my family will make the choices that will allow us to be together forever. I want my family to be eternal.

Gratitude for All Things

“And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments” (Doctrine and Covenants 59:21). Clearly, the Lord expects us to be grateful and to recognize that everything comes from him.

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more” (Doctrine and Covenants 78:19). If we recognize the Lord’s hand and receive all things, whether blessings or trials, with a thankful heart, we will be made glorious, perhaps even exalted.

My sister-in-law is a great example to me of someone who is grateful. She sends out thank you cards for everything. Each year after we’ve presented the Primary Program, she writes a note to all of the Primary kids expressing her gratitude for their presentation. She even writes thank you notes for birthday cards she receives and for thank you notes she receives. She is so thoughtful and always expressing her gratitude. She amazes me.

What one person may see as a blessing another may see as a trial. Being the mother of a large family has blessed my life immensely. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and to have a house full of kids. However, I have met many who think having so many kids would be a trial. I’ve been told that I’m crazy, that I’m selfish, and that I’ve contributed to the overpopulation of the world (that’s one of my favorites because I live in such a rural area that we can literally drive in some areas for several hours before we see evidence of people). Most people shake their heads and tell me they’re happy they don’t have to care for so many children. To them having a small family is a blessing. For me, a small family would’ve felt like a trial.

Every day I am thankful, and honored, that Heavenly Father chose me to be the mother of my youngest son who has Down syndrome. He is a miracle to me and I can’t imagine my life without him. I knew many years ago that he’d come to my family and have no doubt he’s part of my eternal family and has as much purpose in this life as anyone else. I have never been angry or upset that he has Down syndrome. I have always just been grateful to have him in my life, as I am to have all of my children. Yet, there are those who’ve told me they would never want a child like my son. People feel like having a son with DS would be too great of a trial for them. So while I am so thankful and happy to have him in my family, others would not be grateful at all.
Since I lost my mother more than 35 years ago, I have always been so thankful for the opportunity to be a mother and to have time with my children. I’ve outlived my mother by more than 15 years and each day of each of those years, I’ve been so grateful to have that time with my family and be able to give my children what I never experienced.

I know there are things that I would see as a trial rather than a blessing. I see people who deal with things I couldn’t handle, and they do it with thankful hearts. While gratitude may be in the eye of the beholder, perhaps, one of life’s greatest lessons is to learn to be grateful for everything, including our trials. A loving Heavenly Father sees and understands far more than we do. We simply need to acknowledge his hand in all things and be thankful for all he’s given us.

Return to the neighborhood.

And while you're there, subscribe to our fantastic newsletter. Welcome to the yourLDSneighborhood newsletter. In addition to being able to shop in the new virtual neighborhood, the LDS newsletter brings you LDS articles, LDS products, LDS services, LDS resources and LDS interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Look for issues delivered to your email inbox every week on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. LDS Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.