What Might Have Been

As I have written previously, I have been studying the Old Testament. I concluded the story of Saul last week, but I am still thinking about him. His story has affected me deeply and saddened me because his life illustrates what might have been. I mourn what he might have done with his life and who he might have been if only he had chosen to follow God instead of his natural man.

We are all like Saul. We all have the opportunity to follow our divine destinies or to turn away and follow after our own desires. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. He will never force us to follow that plan nor will he stop us from abandoning it.

As a young man, my grandfather attended church with his family. His mother and father both emigrated from Europe and found the gospel. Unfortunately, his father worked in the coal mines and succumbed to Black Lung when my grandfather was still a teenager. Back in the early 20th century times were tough, especially for a widow with children. They constantly struggled to make ends meet.

Something occurred in their ward that offended my great-grandmother. Though she got over it, my grandfather never did and he carried that grudge with him for the rest of his life. He never had a good thing to say about the Church and was vehemently opposed to me attending church, seminary, or paying my tithing.

My grandfather was an incredibly intelligent and talented man. He could fix anything. He knew so much about electronics. He invented the mute button for annoying television commercials long before it was readily available on remotes. He had a kind heart—he consented to raising my sister and me after our parents died, even though he’d planned to retire without worrying about raising a second family. He loved my sister and me and, I think, he was proud of us.

He could have been an amazing leader in the Church. He could have used his talents to further the kingdom of God. He could have been a missionary and used his priesthood to bless our lives and the lives of others. He could have done so many things, but he didn’t. He nursed his grudge and he gave into his natural man, much like Saul. It makes me ache to think of what he could have done with his life, but chose not to, simply because he let Satan influence him instead of God. Perhaps, that is why Saul’s story has affected me so dramatically—instead of Saul, I see my grandfather.

His life as well as Saul’s serves as a reminder to me. Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it’s my responsibility to continually follow that plan. I can get glimpses of Heavenly Father’s plan for me through rereading my patriarchal blessing, inspiration while I’m reading the scriptures or attending the temple, or while I’m praying.

I hope that each of us will seek to follow Heavenly Father’s plan so it will not be said of us, “For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: `It might have been!’” (from John Greenleaf Whittier's poem Maud Muller).

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Saul and the Natural Man

I’ve finished the account of Saul in the Old Testament. What a sad, sad story. Saul was a man who was chosen by the Lord, through Samuel the prophet, because of his righteousness. Yet, he made choices that separated him from God. In a previous post, I mentioned that Saul relied upon himself instead of the Lord and that was the beginning of the end for him.

I believe Saul’s life is an example of a man who could never quite part from his natural man. We learn from the scriptures that the natural man is an enemy to God. “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever . . .” (Mosiah 3:19). Saul had the potential to be a great leader and faithful servant of the Lord. Unfortunately, he relied on himself and when God then instructed Samuel to anoint David as king of Israel, Saul lost all reason.

He became so jealous of David that he sought o take his life on a number of occasions. David had to flee from Saul and his armies numerous times. Saul’s jealousy of David and obsession with killing him, led Saul to make erroneous decisions as the Israelite king. He couldn’t concentrate on his job as king because he was so preoccupied with destroying his once beloved David.

One has to wonder if Saul might have suffered from schizophrenia as he vacillated between wanting to kill David and wanting to forgive and love him again. At times, Saul’s spirit was pricked, especially when he realized that David spared his life on more than one occasion. These momentary lapses into civility and reason shows us that, perhaps deep down, Saul wanted to overcome his natural tendencies, but in the end chose not to do so.

He allowed his natural man to grow in such stature that it effectively stamped out the life of his spirit. He gave in to jealousy and rage. He fanned the flame of hatred. He wallowed in his self-pity.

We can become like Saul if we are not careful. If we do not do all in our power to squelch our natural man, our life will be filled with the same natural tendencies as Saul’s. What is the key to overcoming our natural man? The answer can be found in the second-half of Mosiah 3:19, “ . . . yield[s] to the enticing of the Holy Spirit, and putt[eth] off the natural man and become[th] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and become[th] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

If we heed this scripture and fill our lives with the Spirit by reading the scriptures, praying, and doing all in our power to keep the commandments we will not succumb to our natural man as Saul did. We will be able to withstand the temptations of the world and secure our place in eternity.

Learning from Saul

Studying the Old Testament had been quite interesting. The choices of the children of Israel continue to fascinate me. It seems like they all have short-term memory loss. The best example of this is when Moses parts the Red Sea, a miracle right before their eyes, and after they cross on dry ground, they choose to fashion an idol out of gold. It’s hard to understand why the majority of those who had witnessed God’s power would fall away so easily.

Later on, during the time of Samuel, again the Israelites made a bad choice when they asked Samuel for a king. Samuel tried to warn them of the dangers of having a king, but they wouldn’t listen and insisted on a monarch. The Lord, in his infinite love and patience with the house of Israel, revealed to Samuel that Saul should serve as king because he was a “choice young man, and a goodly: and there was not among the children of Israel a goodlier person than he . . .” (1 Samuel 9:2). Apparently, the Lord was allowing the Israelites to use their free agency to choose a king and he wanted to give them the best opportunity to succeed.

Saul proved to be a good king for a time until he made the mistake of performing a priesthood ordinance that he was not authorized to perform. He was instructed to wait for Samuel and then Samuel would offer burnt offerings to the Lord, but Saul, after waiting the seven days that Samuel asked him to wait, became worried that his army would be destroyed before Samuel came to offer the sacrifice. Saul apparently understood that he needed the Lord’s help, but instead of waiting for the Lord’s anointed servant, he took it upon himself to offer the sacrifice.

When Samuel found out, he told Saul, “Thou hast done foolishly; thou hast not kept the commandment of the Lord thy God, which he commanded thee: for now would the Lord have established thy kingdom upon Israel forever” (1 Samuel 13:13). The Lord was planning to manifest great power through Saul, but could no longer do so because Saul had not kept the commandment to wait for Samuel and had offered the burnt offering himself.

Saul was then commanded to kill all the Amalekites, but chose to save their wicked king, Agag, and some of their best animals for the purpose of sacrificing the animals to the Lord. Because of this choice, the Lord rejected Saul as king and the spirit of the Lord left him. Samuel taught Saul a very important lesson, “ . . .Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams” (1 Samuel 15:22).

What can we learn from Saul? He was, at one time, a righteous man who wanted to serve the Lord and listen to Samuel, but then made the mistake of relying on himself instead of on the Lord. How many times do we try to make decisions without the Lord? Or, know what the Lord wants us to do, but think we know better than the Lord? Saul could’ve been a great leader and been an important instrument in the hands of God. So it is with us. We can also be great instruments in advancing the kingdom of God, but we must hearken to his counsel and follow his commandments. When we do, the Lord will magnify us in ways we cannot even comprehend.

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